Lost

This is my first post typed in my iPad..only to see that my blog is not -ipad friendly..
I don't usually write in iPad,I just want to kill some time while im waiting for almost 4 freaking hours for Air Asia flight to come..it is supposed to be fly at 9.40,but it is delayed until 11.10 and still delaying..

This is maybe my first post which im talking nonsense to kill sometime..so, I want to share with you guys what is inside my head right now..well,kinda

There are a lot of thoughts in my head,in which i cannot tell you most of them..but mostly is about my future. There also a lot of emotions that have came across me these days..sad,regret,missing something,and so on..and this delayed is making it worse -_- i keep thinking about it

I decide to back to my hometown before i embark and start my new page of life where i will fully become an adult,that have to earn money by myself. I have to calm myself and meet my spiritual need first,and in the other hand,my right arm is broken,even i cannot open door handle properly now. I try to draw and make a design for my client, Anata,but somehow my design is like downgraded to semester 4 student. I spent this one week doing absolutely nothing..just meet my housemate,doing random stuff,eat, and sleep. My mind somewhat is somewhere else,and what I need is waiting for it to comeback

The truth is,i want try to work overseas,seeing world from the other side. But as time pass through,the desire that i have is vanishing. There are a lot of problems mentally and psychically waiting,and im not sure if i can fight against it in this condition. What i want is close to my family and friends first back in Indonesia..because somehow i feel lonely and useless if im stay in Malaysia. Somehow i feel jealous with my housemate that full sanguine. He is confident,a lazy person ,and live easily. He is not thiking to hard about is live,and only go with the flow in his life. Meanwhile im who us mostly a melancholic right now,can't help it but always thinking about it.

For me the future that i sees clear last year become a blur image that i cannot see. I don't know what ahead me anymore.

But in other hand, i see the positive affect from this situation. These days, i start to read my dusty and old bible again. I pray longer than i ever did,and really seek for His guidance. Its not that i try to become a naive person,but i feel lost and need someone's guidance. And i hope and believe that HE will show the HIs way and guide me to the best way